Welcome to our February 2010 Better Parents Better Kids Parenting Newsletter.

Hi, it's Melody Chase.

For our February Newsletter I want to talk with you about whether your child is a Highly Sensitive Person or not and if so what you can do to support and bring out the strengths and gifts of your child.

After finding out about the recent suicide of the former Growing Pains actor Andrew Koenig who has been described as a Highly Sensitive Person who suffered from depression, I was wondering if he often felt lonely and isolated and overwhelmed by being Highly Sensitive because even though he had loving and supportive friends and family most people do not know what it means to be sensitive. I also wondered if he had known someone that truly knew what it was like to be him, during his childhood and as an adult - a fellow kindred Highly Sensitive Spirit - if this would have helped to lift his spirits.

According Dr. Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D in her book The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You. (Published by Broadway Books, 1997), being a Highly Sensitive Person means your nervous system is more sensitive to subtleties. Your sight, hearing and sense of smell are not necessarily keener (although it may be) but your brain processes information and reflects on it more deeply.

Therefore a Highly Sensitive Person is someone who is sensitive or more finely tuned to different forms of energy such as light, sound, temperature, smells, touch and even emotions.

I was comparing notes with a fellow Highly Sensitive Person recently (who has the same personality type combination as me as well) about what it was like growing up and as an adult having to deal with people in public as well as meeting new people do to our abilities to pick up on not only strong energy and emotions but subtle energy and emotions from people as well.

We found that standing in line with people in Grocery stores was uncomfortable and nerve wrecking at times depending on the energy levels and the moods of people in line and depending on our mood too. Doing transactions with people whether with a cashier or even talking to customer service representative or professionals on the phone was intimating and overwhelming as well depending on how we are feeling and the intensity of the person we are talking to.

Doing transactions as the grocery store I'd drop change and couldn't count, forget what I am saying and leave my mitts behind and as my friend stated as well - I would be so overwhelmed and intimated by dominant aggressive people's energy if that was who I was dealing with, I would revert to being and sounding like a timid 8 year old child. I would leave feeling embarrassed and humiliated and I would then beat myself up about how I promised to try harder to come across as normal next time.

Then because no one knew what we were feeling and going through, our family and love ones would ignore or downplay our discomfort and judge us as being fidgety and nervous for no reason and that we just have to relax and stop being so out of control of our emotions and nerves.

Meeting new people is also overwhelming because we have to adjust to new people's energy and if we didn't know how to ground or center ourselves or learn how not to take on other people's energy we'd get really anxious.

I remember once when I was a kid, my Dad (who was a gentle, kind and loving person) and I were watching a telethon and I said I wanted to donate money and I was really excited about donating. My Dad said O.k. you call yourself and give them your information. That day I just could not call - I was overwhelmed with what felt like fear and anxiety, I kept asking my Dad to call and to do the order for me, he kept insisting that I do it myself and that I would be happy and proud of myself if I did.

I couldn't explain why to my Dad but I was just too overwhelmed with anxiety make the call and I was so sad with despair and disappointment that he couldn't understand and help me in the way that I needed to be helped. We ended up not calling because we were at a stand still and I think from that day on I developed low self esteem and a sense of despair about myself and started a long process of finding negative reasons why I do or don't do the things I do including performance anxiety, anxiety disorder, social phobia and/or just plain a big chicken - all these reasons other people told me and I told myself as well.

In fact when I became an adult and at my extreme point I really did believe I had social phobia - I had trouble being near Salespeople (having to stay in the car if I went out with Dr Robby to stores with commission salespeople) and (I kid you not) developed a phobia of handing out treats to kids at Halloween and seriously could not make phone calls (at home at least - ironically I worked at a Market Research Company for 8 years and spent the 1st four years in sheer discomfort and anxiety)

It wasn't until I understood how energy and emotions effect me that I finally understood what was going on and really until I compared notes just recently with my Highly Sensitive friend that I realized I wasn't some loser, weak person but it was perfectly normal to act this way and in lieu of knowing what to do in these situations handled things the best way I could.

So if your child is Highly Sensitive what can you do for them?

1) First and foremost - believe him or her and validate how he or she is feeling and the effects that energy has on him or her.

2) Next support your child in helping him or her be as comfortable as he or she can be if there is no immediate solution to what he or she is going through in the moment.

3) Explain to your child that he or she is normal and explain to your child that energy is a real thing and that he or she is fine-tuned to energy and someday he or she will find out the reason for this. Explain to your child that he/she will have a very important purpose in life because of these special gifts that he/she has and you will do you best to help him or her develop systems to work through the discomfort and energetically protect his/herself and cleanse his or herself of exposure to energy as well.

So the following are some resources that you may want to look into for further information about Highly Sensitive People (Including how to determine whether you child is Highly Sensitive):

The Highly Sensitive Child By Elaine N. Aron PhD - Visit the Highly Sensitive Child Website at http://www.hsperson.com/pages/child.htm

As well as more information about Highly Sensitive People in General - The Highly Sensitive Person: How To Thrive When The World Overwhelms You by Elaine N. Aron Ph.D at http://www.hsperson.com/pages/hsp.htm

Last but not least here is a wonderful article about Highly Sensitive People and Empaths by Carolyn Wilson-Elliott called - What are Self-Coaching Skills and Why Do Sensitives Need Them? at http://quantumspirit.net/Empaths/Home/WhatareSelf-CoachingSkills/index.cfm

As for Andrew Koenig, I don't know why he committed suicide, he carried a lot of World Causes on his shoulders and truly loved and cared for the planet he lived on. Perhaps he didn't feel he could do everything he wanted to do to make the world a better place and he may have taken in all the hurt and fears and anger from the world around him but if that is case and you may have a child who is as beautiful and sensitive as this man was, it is worth taking the time to find out if your child is Highly Sensitive and then give him/her all the resources and support to help him or her create the life of his/her dreams and be brilliant in his/her areas of sensitivity.

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Warm Regards,

Melody Chase
Better Parents Better Kids Team
Website: http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com
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