Welcome To Our November Issue of Our Better Parents Better Kids Parenting Newsletter.

We hope you enjoyed last month's issue about Parenting and the Importance of Embracing Your Situation For What It Is.

For this month's issue I wanted to talk about the effects that parents having affairs have on their children.

This was inspired after watching a talk-show where this topic was brought up as well as by a client we were seeing at our Relationship Centre.

I promise for our December Newsletter we'll have fun for the Winter Holidays, but for now I felt like this was an important area of discussion for children and parents alike.

How Affairs or Infidelity Effect Your Children

We had a female client at our Relationship Centre who in the past had been cheated on by her partner with her friend and now this client herself cheated on her last husband with her own friend's husband.

Looking at this client's history, her father had cheated on her mother with her Mother's friend so cheating had become a generational thing that can be past down through generations like abuse or alcoholism.

This client has four children, which makes me stop for a moment and think - what kind of an effect is her choice of having an affair going to have on her children?

When a person has an affair he/she usually has only two people on his/her mind – him/herself and the person they are having the affair with.

Swept up in the passion and romance it is highly unlikely that this person is thinking about the far-reaching and profound effects that he/she is having on the people in his/her life including his/her children.

So for this newsletter I thought I would create this article about how children are potentially negatively affected when a parent or parents choose to have affairs.

I will list the areas, and then go over them in more detail:

1) Creates Generational Patterns of Either Cheating on Their Partners or Being Cheated On By Their Partners
2) Promotes Lack of Responsibility for Choices and Potential Consequences
3) Teaches Children That There Is A Lack Of Abundance In The World

1) Creates Generational Patterns of Either Cheating on Their Partners or Being Cheated On By Their Partners

Our subconscious mind is continuously impressed by people, places, things, events, our thoughts, emotions and feelings. Anything that the subconscious minds picks up ends up being broadcasted in the form of energy since the subconscious mind is an energy broadcaster, then through the Law of Attraction we start drawing in what is being broadcasted in our subconscious mind.

If your mind is continuously impressed over and over again by the same people, places, things, events, thought, emotions and feelings or if you have experienced an emotional wound, often in childhood (what we call a childhood wound) that was really traumatic and not resolved or healed you may develop what is called a Pattern.

A Pattern is like a broken record that is broadcasted from your subconscious mind so you experience the same type of person, place, thing, event, feelings, emotions and yes even thoughts over and over again.

In the case an emotional wound the circumstance, people and events may change but the emotions that the pattern provokes over and over is the exact same.

As children our subconscious mind is extremely impressionable by our environment – not only what we see and hear but by feelings, emotions and energy.

So if a child grows up in a family where adultery is present whether the parents have been caught or not or have admitted to their affair it is very likely that their child will be impressed by the intensity of the environment that will create a pattern for the child so that when the child becomes an adult he/she will be cheated on by his/her partner and/or will cheat on his/her partner.

So if you are a parent and are thinking of starting an affair or are already in an affair take into consideration you have now enlisted or will soon be enlisting your children to become cheaters or be cheated on themselves and your children will have to endure all the consequences and fall-out of the outcome of an affair for everyone involved.

Awareness of the potential of cheating or being cheated on may help the child in adulthood but the pattern will get stronger and stronger the older the adult gets to a point where it is practically no longer a choice for him or her. (Especially in the case of being cheated on) – The forces of nature caused by the pattern are extremely strong.

So the best thing you can do is try to kill the giant while it's little and stop the affair and make healthier choices (i.e. end your current relationship and then begin a new one so everything is out in the open and truthful) as well as learn about pattern removals and how to teach this to your children so they will not carry-on this often very painful legacy that you may have potentially started or may be carrying on from your own family's generational legacy.

2) Promotes Lack of Responsibility for Choices and Potential Consequences

In our Better Parents, Better Kids Parenting Program (http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/info we talk about the importance of teaching children about choice and the consequences of choice – in other words cause and effect.

Society as well tries to teach children about responsibility, taking responsibility for their actions and about making wise, right-action decisions in life.

Children's earliest and strongest role models in their life are their parents and every choice that parents make are witnessed, felt and heard by their children.

So what kind of message is a child's parent sending if the parent is jumping into an affair without thinking through the cause and effect of their behavior and how it is going to effect everyone in their lives?

Children and teens gets grounded for doing something impulsive like talking back, stealing a chocolate bar or breaking something because they are angry but their Mom or Dad can get away with sneaking around, lying, betraying their love ones and giving in to their desires and emotions.

When a parent's affair is made public this can really turn a child's sense of what is right and wrong upside down and make him/her question the people that they have been taking advice from and listening to all their lives.

It is not surprising then that children start developing a lot of behavioral problems both younger children and teenagers alike.

3) Teaches Their Children That There Is a Lack of Abundance in the World

At our Relationship Centre we also teach that the world is an abundance place and there are enough resources for everyone in the world.

We have assignments to help our clients open their eyes and focus on the abundance around them and all the abundance that the world has to offer.

We also encourage parents to help their children become aware of the abundance in the world as well.

However, what does cheating indicate to a child? That the world is so scarce with limited people and resources that adults need to encroach upon other people's partners – that in a world of over 6 billion people these two people couldn't find a person who was available to be in love and compatible with?

Affairs just encourage what we call at the Centre the Old C.A.P. or Competitive Adversarial Paradigm where the world is scarce and everyone has to compete for limited resources and fight dirty to win – there is no win-win either, only win or lose.

As opposed to what we teach at the Centre called the New C.A.P. or Creative, Abundant Paradigm. In this paradigm there is no need for affairs, the parents can either come up with creative solutions and negotiations and available information to have their needs fulfilled in their own relationship or if they can not come to an agreement or are too incompatible for each others then they part ways, then draw in their highest and best partner or regroup with the person they want to be with since there is an abundance of time as well as potential soul-mates.

Of course for people, who are in affairs, they will say it not so cut and dry – they are scared to change and scared to hurt people – but what is the cause of fear? It is believing that there is something to lose that they will not be able to replace that once again deals with a belief in the lack of abundance.

For more information on teaching your children about Abundance, teaching children about Cause and Effect and an excellent introduction to Removing or Reprogramming Patterns for your children and yourself see our Better Parents, Better Kids Parenting Program E-book @ http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/info

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Ask Tanis

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Until Next Time,

Melody Chase
Better Parents Better Kids Team
Website: http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com
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