Welcome to Lesson #4 of our 7 Part Series on “Understanding Your Child's Differences.”

We have another excerpt by Tanis from our Weekly Newsletter this time describing Vision and how it ties into Understanding Your Child’s Differences.

Tanis says:

A Vision is what a person targets as a focus and future goal to move towards. It can be a way of life, a specific goal, a timeline or anything that moves a person towards something and causes a person to focus concentrated energy on.

As for their Visions, as long as a person hasn't been influenced into someone else's agenda, a person will usually already know their vision. Other times just coming into awareness that they need to focus on a vision allows their vision to reveal itself.

What often happens is that if parents are unaware of what their children's values and visions are there will be conflict and powerstruggles with them. The parents may also try to control the child to stop the conflict and try to influence the child to be like the parents or the rest of society.

In the process the child may lose themselves or be influenced to a point that they are convinced they are something they are not. This of course will be to their detriment later in life as they don't fit into the mold that others has put them into.

Children often give into the influence because they want to make their parents happy, for approval or because they have picked up on codependent behaviors already where they have been taught that you have to give others what they want, even if that may hurt you in order to get what you want.

To find out your children's Vision is you can ask them same questions that we covered in our last Monthly Newsletter on Values:

1. Ask what is important to them.
2. Ask what they would like to do in the present.
3. Ask what they would like to do in the future.
4. If they don't know say "That's ok, when the time is right you will know." I.e. Instead of giving suggestions or forcing them to come up with things.

It is important to support their beliefs as to what they want to do whether that is their Values or Vision 100%. If they change their mind 20 times or once a week support them on their new track and never say "What happened to wanting to be a fireman or just make up your mind."

If you have already read the Better Parents, Better Kids E-book and have already asked your children these questions, then just remember to continue to support their beliefs 100%

Life is a creative process as is a person's life mission and purpose so each individual needs the space, support and freedom to go with the flow as their life unfolds in perfect timing, in perfect ways and under grace.

Having an understanding of Values and Visions you can also help your children to understand that everyone’s Values and Visions are different by having your children answer the questions above with their friends or siblings present.

You then have their friends or siblings answer the questions too so everyone can see how everyone has their own Values and Visions and that is perfectly o.k. to be different and that everyone can be supported for being themselves.

If you have any questions about Visions and/or how to test for your Children’s Values you can email us at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or for more detailed information about Visions and Vision Testing check-out our Better Parents, Better Kids Parenting Home Study Program at http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/info

What’s On Joey’s Mind?

It’s Melody again.

For this month’s “What’s On Joey’s Mind Column” I thought since we have been doing a series on parents understanding their children’s differences as well as helping parents to explain about differences to their children that we might as well carry on with the theme of understanding and see if there is anything that kids may want to understand about parents and parenting.

So here is our question for Joey:

"If there was one question he would like to ask a parent in regards to being a parent what would that be?"

Joey is busy thinking up his question, so visit us in next month’s issue to see what he says.

Ask Tanis

An Update on Cameron

Hi Melody again.

Since there are no “Ask Tanis” questions for this month, I thought I would give an update as to how Tanis’s son Cameron and his school situation is doing.

We mentioned in our 1st Monthly Newsletter in October that Cameron was having some trouble at school, in particular with his teacher. Cameron’s drive for freedom and doing what he wants to do when he wants to do it - in other words Cameron trying to be his authentic self has been causing some conflict with his teacher.

This was one of the major reasons why we began our 7 Part “Understanding Your Child’s Differences” series.

I recently emailed Tanis and Tanis was saying that Cameron who is 7 now has come down with croup. (Even though children normally outgrow this by the age of four)

Tanis says she guessed it is because Cameron is suffocating because he is having a hard time being himself at school, he has a teacher who is of the “old school” mind set and Cameron does not fit her description of the ideal child.

How Tanis figured out why Cameron came down with croup (aside from the logical scientific reasons) is based on the work of author Louise L Hay and her books “Heal Your Body” (Hay House, Published Jan 01,1984) and “Heal Your Body A to Z” (Hay House, Published Oct 01, 2001).

Louise L. Hay says any aches, pains, injuries or actions going on in our body are signs of what is going on inside us such as what we are thinking, feeling or what kind of emotions we are storing in our body. In her books she provides affirmations that help to heal whatever is going on within our body based on the ailment that that we are presented with.

Our body talks to us all the time, it is like it has its own form of sign-language and we can always truly find out what is going on within when we pay attention to what our body is trying to tell us.

So croup has a similar origin to Bronchitis which according to Louise L Hay is suffocation caused by conflict and arguing in a family setting, however the family setting can also be represented by a parental figure or institution such as in this case – Cameron’s teacher.

Dr. Robby, (who just like Tanis, has the natural ability to read what our body is trying to say) says the only major difference between someone who has bronchitis versus someone who has croup is that people with bronchitis are suffocating because they are under-attack but are not actively fighting back where as a person with croup is under-attack but is fighting their attacker back which is symbolically represented by Cameron’s loud and deep cough associated with croup. This is true to Cameron’s personality because he would fight for himself and his authenticity.

In my email that I sent in response to Tanis I was saying that I understand it's tough when you get an “old school” mindset teacher!

One of my nephews in Calgary when he was in Junior High School, was diagnosed as having a learning disability (which is silly because he was speaking 2 languages and reading symbols at 1 years old - but anyway) and diagnosed as mildly Autistic (He's actually a High H.S.P. or Highly Sensitive Person – see our article on ‘ The Importance of Alone Time For Highly Sensitive Children’ at http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/index.php/articles.html )

My Nephew was placed in a "special" education class and even then the teacher didn't have the slightest clue on how to deal with someone who is not exactly the same as the "average" kid or what was considered “average” for the class he was in.

The good news is that this year he has transferred to another school and the teacher and the program that he is in is wonderful, even the kids in his class and the kids in the rest of the school align with him and understand him. He's so happy now and much more at peace.

It sounds like we are picking on Cameron’s teacher and my Nephew’s old teacher but it is nothing personal about the teachers or our children for that matter.

As Tanis explained in our first Monthly Newsletter “Unfortunately some teachers are not aware of the different personalities or if they are they don't have the time to work with them all accordingly so even though Cameron CAN do all the work he is given the teacher thinks he either can't focus or can't do the work.”

Another issue is that some personalities and combination of personalities don’t just get along with other personalities, once again it is nothing personal – so even if one teacher understands how to teach a child in their own style of learning that still doesn’t necessarily mean they are going to get along or communicate well with each other.

So it is important then to help prepare our children for the realities of the world that they live in and here are a few preparation tips that Tanis will be sharing with Cameron as well.

1) You Always Have Choice:

You can explain to your children in your own words and ways that they will understand that all because you find yourself in one situation that doesn’t mean you have to stay in that situation forever or that this is the only way how life is always going to be.

There are highest and best people, places, things and events out there you just need to be aware and open to finding them. An example is my nephew where he was able to switch schools and is very happy now.

2) Have Patience With What You Can’t Change Right Now

At the same time, our children also have to be aware there may be situations that cannot be changed right away, for example there are rules that children have to go by in their family’s homes and at their present schools and there may be situations such as location and timing where the child cannot change schools even if they really wanted to.

So in the meantime your children must have patience and not be in resistance to what is happening to them today – remind them that something is always good that comes out of something they can’t see as good at the moment.

For example they will learn about what they really like by finding out what they don’t like or how if they learn to love whatever is going on in their life right now that when they get to the really good stuff that they really want it is like icing on the cake, they get to enjoy every minute of their day instead of worrying about how things could be better.

3) Don’t Stay Angry

Last but not least tell your children not to blame or stay angry with anyone that is not giving them what they want, even if that person is being mean to them. This is because most of the time people do not understand what they are doing, or understand how what they are doing is hurting others or how to change what they are doing if they are aware of what they are doing but they would change if they knew how.

So if your children are blaming, staying mad and fighting back against those who are not giving them what they want, your children are only going to hurt themselves more than they already are and will potentially make themselves sick such as what happened to Cameron.

It’s o.k. to be angry, but don’t stay angry, it is o.k. to be authentic but learn ways such as assertiveness versus aggression so you do not get too worked up and run-down.

In a future Newsletter I will develop some Assertiveness Techniques for kids, I’ll keep you posted and we will update you on how Cameron is doing.

Don’t Forget to Visit the Forum!

Don’t forget to check-out our Better Parents Better Kids Parenting Forum at http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/forum/

As well, don’t forget to check back for Lesson #5 of our “Understanding Your Child’s Differences” Series on Bodytypes

Until Next Time,

Melody Chase
Better Parents Better Kids Team
Website: http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com
Email: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it