Better Parents Better Kids Weekly Newsletter Issue #15

Note From Tanis Nicole Wright

Welcome To The Better Parents Better Kids Newsletter #15

Anxiety - Part 2 - Future Thinking and Past Dwelling

Today we will be going over the first "Wall" of Anxiety known as "Future Thinking and Past Dwelling" as part of our 5 Part Anxiety Series inspired by a Better Parents, Better Kids Newsletter Reader named Maureen's "Ask Tanis" question.

Maureen's question was about her daughter who has been pulling her hair out and has been diagnosed as having an Anxiety Disorder.

Many people who have anxiety have a lack of trust and faith in themselves in regards to being able to perform or take care of themselves in the moment.

People who have a lack of trust and faith in themselves often develop a habit or pick-up from other people's beliefs that they have to prepare themselves and look into the future in order to survive in life and to prevent a loss of whichever type, whether that is loss of love, approval, time, safety, control etc.

People may also feel like they have to review their past as well to prevent what happened to them in the past from happening again.

However all this does for people is SCARE themselves and cause ANXIETY for themselves, especially people who have a creative and imaginative mind.

This is because they start imaging all these potential "bad" or "negative" events that they feel they will need to try and prevent, or in the case of past experiences, potential situations that they would like to avoid from happening again.

However, the true key is to remain in the PRESENT. Sure preparation is important in certain situations, but otherwise the rest of a person's time should be spent in the present moment - therefore making anxiety impossible.

Future thinking or past thinking is needed in order to have anxiety so being in the present is like taking the oxygen out of a flame, it has no choice but to extinguish.

Fear does have it's place, if you are in immediate danger being scared is justified and needed for your own safety because it causes your body to prepare for fight, flight or freeze mode.

However our bodies are not designed to continually run in the fight or flight mode and that is what is happening when a person is in anxiety and anxiety will breed more anxiety the more exhausted a person's adrenaline system becomes.

So if you encourage your child to stay in the moment and not think about the past or future, she will find that her anxiety level will go way down because there is nothing to be worried about and she will be able to "take things as the come" versus "worry about how she is going to take things"

Getting Into the Present Exercise

The following is a little exercise you can do with your child and that your child can do on her own to get into the present moment:

Staying in the moment is a child's natural state when he/she is younger, but it is never too late to get him/her back into his/her natural state.

Have your child sit with you on the floor or ground (if you are outside) and hold your child's hands.

Now both of you take some deep, slow breaths in and out together - at least 3 times.

Now ask your child to focus on looking at all the details around you both for a while, tell her not to describe what she sees out loud, just look and you will do the same.

Have your child breath slowly and deeply in and out again, (you too) for at least three more times, then ask your child to listen to all the sounds around you.

Encourage her to pick up as many sounds as she can notice without describing them out-loud, and tell her you will do the same. Continue listening for a little while.

It's time to breath in and out again for a least three times - now ask your child to focus on her own body and feel every little body part right down to her toes and feel anything touching her body, such as your hands, a breeze, the heater or air conditioning if you are inside and how her clothes feel against her body, (without her describing how she feels out loud) tell her you will do the same.

Do one last set of breathing in and out - somewhere along this exercise your child will have gone into the moment, explain to your child that you would like her to now get up and carry on with her day feeling the way she feels now for as long as she can.

Tell her that if she ever feels anxious to remember how she feels now and she can do this exercise with you or a friend or by herself or even do a mini-version using whatever part of the exercise that gets her in the moment the easiest.

I.e. Maybe listening to the sounds is what draws her into the moment the quickest or maybe focusing on her body will.

Say it is o.k. if she is too anxious for the exercise to work, just practice with the exercise whenever she feels like it since the exercise is for practicing getting into the present moment to prevent anxiety versus trying to knock herself out of anxiety, although it is possible to do both with this exercise.

In our next Newsletter we will go over the next "Wall", known as "Imagination running out of control."

Best Wishes

Tanis Nicole Wright

Melody Chase

One Last Note From Tanis

Do you have a parenting question that you would like answered?

Send in your parenting questions to "Ask Tanis" at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it and I will be happy to answer your questions as part of our "Ask Tanis" Q & A section here in our Newsletter.

Best Wishes To You and Your Family,

Tanis Nicole Wright

Director/Head Coach

The Better Parents, Better Kids Program

http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com

Email: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

(204) 475-0323