Better Parents, Better Kids Weekly Newsletter Issue #12

Note From Tanis Nicole Wright

Welcome To The Better Parents, Better Kids Newsletter Issue #12.

I have written a lot about how the majority of children enjoy learning and going to school and that there are a small percentage of children who do not like school who may need alternative ways of getting their education.

Well, it looks like I may have one of those children myself. Cameron, my youngest son is a Driver Personality which means he is a natural leader, likes to be in control and is tasked centred and is focused on getting from Point A to Point B without being interrupted.

Basically he doesn't like to be part of the team, but rather be in charge of the team and being a dominant personality likes to do what he wants to do in the way that he wants to do it.

Recently, he has begun to show some behavioral issues. He used to have behavioral issues which were one of the reasons why I took the Better Parents, Better Kids Program in the first place but now some issues are beginning to resurface.

According to his teacher, he has begun playing mind-games with her such as pretending that he can't read, when he can read perfectly fine at home or going out for recess before it's time to go out for recess and saying that the teacher

said it was time when she didn't say such a thing.

I have been emailing back and forth about this with Dr. Robby because sometimes it's harder to see things when you are in it.

Dr. Robby said that chances are he is rebelling about having to go along with the school system - he just wants to do what he wants to do and he was able to go along with the system but as the school year continues, he just can't take doing

what he doesn't want to do anymore.

Dr. Robby reminded me of a client and his son that we had seen a couple of years ago. The son, who I will call Johnny, needed Anger Management because his Junior High School was seriously concerned about his anti-social behavior and the safety of the school.

We found out that Johnny was a High Driver Personality with a lot of Analytical in him, plus he was actually a bit of a renaissance child, he was highly intelligent, and an artist and musician but he was just so angry he could never do what

he wanted to do.

On top of being task-centred and wanting control of his environment, Johnny also had his rules and standards that no one was going by plus he had plans - he knew what he wanted to do with his life and the school system was interfering.

Dr. Robby managed to get Johnny who never talked to anyone about himself, talk for almost 2 hours about everything that was going on and what he really wanted to do, both on a day to day basis and in the future.

After Johnny opened up with Dr. Robby's prompting about his plans and visions for his life, Dr. Robby explained to Johnny that Johnny was going to have to play with the school system until he graduated Grade 12 because school wasn't going to go away since his single divorced Dad was not interested in getting him into an alternative form of schooling.

Dr. Robby also explained that every time Johnny acted out he was either wrecking or prolonging his future plans (i.e. poor grades, being suspended, kicked out of school or having to transfer schools, criminal record etc) and prolonging his chance to be free when he graduates in Grade 12.

Johnny was intelligent and understood what Dr. Robby was saying and he realized he had to play by the rules until he was free and to use his future goals as an anchor for when he was tempted to act out in rebellion, anger or frustration.

Johnny, his brother and father recently came in for a check-up and he has been doing really well. Johnny enjoys talking to Dr. Robby because Dr. Robby understands him and unconditionally listens to him, so Johnny has come back

just to have someone he can get things off his chest with, without others being in judgment about what he is thinking, saying or feeling.

So Dr. Robby says that my son Cameron is rebelling to having to go along with other people's agendas, not the type of schooling but just having to go by other people's schedules and guidelines.

So Cameron is trying to take back control of himself and his environment by messing with and confusing his teacher plus because he is task-centred versus people-centred, he doesn't care if he is upsetting or frustrating other people in the

process.

So what I will do is have a discussion with Cameron about how I understand his need for being in charge of his own life but if he plans to carry out what he wants to do with himself when he's older he will have to go along with the school system until Grade 12 and then he will be free to choose what he wants to do.

I will also explain that being uncooperative at this time of his life will just make it longer before he gets to his freedom plus he may close off options for himself as he gets older such as poor grades or being kicked out of school.

I'll keep you posted as to how our discussion goes.

One Last Note From Tanis

Have you tried out any of the suggestions of our "10 Instant Ways To Become a Better Parent" Series?

Since it has been a couple of weeks now since we finished our "10 Instant Ways To Become a Better Parent" Series, we are looking for your stories as to how the suggestions and exercises have worked out so far for you and your family.

So please write us at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it so we can share your experiences and any additional advice you may have about parenting and we will post it here in our newsletter for your fellow Better Parents Better Kids Newsletter readers.

Best Wishes To You and Your Family,

Tanis Nicole Wright

Director/Head Coach

The Better Parents, Better Kids Program

http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com

Email: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

(204) 475-0323