Note From Tanis Nicole Wright

Welcome To Your Better Parents, Better Kids Newsletter Issue #7!!!

I'm Tanis Nicole Wright, Director/Head Coach of the Better Parents, Better Kids Parenting Program (http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com ) and co-writer of our Parenting E-book Better Parents, Better Kids (http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/info )

Today we will be continuing with Part Seven of our "10 Instant Ways To Become a Better Parent" series. Today's topic is about teaching children to be nice to others.

10 Instant Ways To Become a Better Parent - Part Seven

Teach Your Child The Importance of Being Nice To Others: A common misconception in our society is that the way to control people, teach people and/or to get a head in life is that we need to punish people, make them feel bad in order to encourage them to do better or that we need to push people down or intimidate them in order to pull ourselves up.

However, it is totally unnecessary to be mean to others. You may have heard the saying you can attract more bees with honey. Well it is true, sure some people get inspired by a challenge, but everybody can work better, achieve more and be willing to give more if they feel good about themselves.

So being nice to each other is a win-win for everyone. For example, the person on the receiving end feels good about his or herself chances are the person being nice is going to be treated nice in return as well as feel good about his or herself because they treated the other person nicely.

Assignment

As a preamble to your assignment, the following is an excerpt of mine (Tanis) from our Better Parents, Better Kids E-book (http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/info) :

"The Audiotape "Whale Done" By Ken Blanchard, Thad Lacinak, Chuck Tompkins, Jim Ballard and read by Tony Roberts (Published by Simon & Schuster Audio, 2002) has made me think a lot about how we as people treat each other so badly and create such toxic environments for ourselves and each other."

"It is so easy and effortless to treat one another with respect and kindness and makes so much more sense because it makes for happier more content people. But somehow, somewhere we have learned to treat one another and especially our kids without respect, without unconditional love and without positive comments and acceptance."

"My wish is to have everyone (especially parents) grasp the concept they are talking about in the book. It may be hard for some people to accept the fact that kids don't need punishment, and constant reminders of what they are doing wrong, they simply need love, support, positive words and some redirecting when they are doing something that we don't like, that is not safe, or inappropriate."

"I also got some feedback from my own 7 year old son Joey on the subject. I explained to him about how the "Whale Done Approach" works. That it focuses on the positives rather than the negatives."

"He lit up right away and said that he thought that was a great idea and that he himself would much rather hear what he was doing right rather than always hearing when he did something wrong."

"He was also quick to recognize that this isn't the regular societal way of dealing with people or kids. He even went a step further and realized that he had been doing the same thing. Every time his little brother Cameron did something he didn't like he let him have it, and it really didn't do much to change the situation or make him not repeat the behavior. It usually caused rebellion, more undesirable behavior and hurt feelings all the way around."

"Joey was curious and wanted to put the "Whale Done Approach" to the test. He actually started making positive comments to his little brother and found that the more positives he said the better they both felt and he would get more of what he wanted or expected out of his brother."

"It is such an easy thing to master it's just that this way is so foreign to most people. I find that "different" is often a negative to people, so even if the different is good it is automatically labeled as bad."

"For example when we see something done a certain way for so long and then we ourselves do it that way too we get used to it and sometimes believe that it is the only way and then continue on even though we are not getting the desired results out of doing it that way."

"I used to yell, bribe, use threats etc etc to get my kids to do what I wanted or what I thought they should. I knew it wasn't working but yet I continued on because I knew no other way."

"I believed it was my kids with the problem because they wouldn't listen to or obey my requests, I didn't know there was a different way because no one had ever taught me a different way. I always saw the same yelling, threats, bribes etc being used on kids throughout my life and thought that was the right or natural way of parenting."

"The really ironic thing about me using this method of parenting was that even though I thought it was the "right" way and the acceptable way I never felt good doing it that way which leads me into a whole other subject on parents and their intuition."

"I know what I am doing now is good for my kids and I know it because I see such a positive reaction from them and most importantly I feel good about the way I talk with, relate to, and unconditionally support and love my kids."

So your assignment is to start positively reinforcing your children when they are doing would you would like them to do, and to focus on the positive day to day things that they do instead of the negative.

If your children are old enough, get them to participate by having them positively reinforce their siblings, friends and even you.

Last but not least don't forget to remind them about being nice to people in general. Nice means different things to different people, however by focusing on positive feedback and compliments, you and your kids can't go wrong.

One Last Note From Tanis

Do you have a parenting question that you would like answered?

Send in your parenting questions to "Ask Tanis" at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

and I will be happy to answer your questions as part of our "Ask Tanis" Q & A section here in our Newsletter.

Best Wishes To You and Your Family,

Tanis Nicole Wright

Director/Head Coach

The Better Parents, Better Kids Program

http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com

Email: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

(204) 475-0323