Note From Tanis Nicole Wright

Welcome To Your Better Parents, Better Kids Weekly Newsletter Issue #2!!!

I'm Tanis Nicole Wright, Director/Head Coach of the Better Parents, Better Kids Parenting Program (http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com ) and co-writer of our Parenting E-book Better Parents, Better Kids (http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/info)

Today we will be continuing with Part Two of our "10 Instant Ways To Become a Better Parent" series. Today's topic is about Understanding That Your Children Are Unique.

10 Instant Ways To Become a Better Parent - Part Two

Understand That Your Child Is Unique: Everyone is unique, with their own unique personalities, bodies, and purpose in life.

Your children are unique individuals as well with their own unique needs, wants and requirements.

As a parent, if you understand this, you can be more open to finding out what is best for your child based on what is best for them, versus what you think is best for them because that is what you would want or what other people think your child would want.

Assignment

In our Better Parents, Better Kids Program E-book, (http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/info) the majority of the book focuses on discovering how your child is unique.

For this assignment, let's examine one of those areas that you can find out about your child known as Values and Visions.

Values can be described as something that is important to you. It is something that you are willing to focus on, and put attention and time into in order to maintain.

A Vision is what a person targets as a focus and future goal to move towards. It can be a way of life, a specific goal, a timeline or anything that moves a person towards something and causes a person to focus concentrated energy on.

Every individual has their own individual values and visions. For values, some values are more important than others, and when people's top values are satisfied, they experience a sense of satisfaction and wellbeing. So people (whether they are conscious of it or not) will focus on achieving and maintaining their values.

As for their Visions, as long as a person hasn't been influenced into someone else's agenda, a person will usually already know their vision. Other times just coming into awareness that they need to focus on a vision allows their vision to reveal itself.

Often people are not aware that other people have different values and visions then their own and they think that the other person is just intentionally trying to be difficult with them.

The result then is that the person who isn't aware that the other person has a different values or visions will often try to force the other person to go along with their values or visions.

This also happens between parents and children. Even if the parent was aware that different people have different values and visions, they wouldn't believe that their children would have any values and visions, because they are children, and even if they did they really wouldn't know what they would want, once again because they are children.

Much to most people's surprise, most children, even at a very early age know what they want, including their values and visions. The ones who don't have usually forgot or have self doubt because they have already been influenced by their parents and society.

I (Tanis) asked my son Joey (who was seven at the time), if he had the freedom to do whatever he wanted, would he know what he would want to do with his life? His answer was, "Well of course I know what I would want to do," and he then went into specific detail about his vision for his life.

What this means then, is that if parents are unaware of what their children's value and visions are there will be conflict and powerstruggles with them. The parents may also try to control the child to stop the conflict and try to influence the child to be like the parents or the rest of society.

In the process the child may lose themselves or be influenced to a point that they are convinced they are something they are not. This of course will be to their detriment later in life as they don't fit into the mold that others has put them into.

Children often give into the influence because they want to make their parents happy, for approval or because they have picked up on codependent behaviors already where they have been taught that you have to give others what they want, even if that may hurt you in order to get what you want.

To find out your child/children's top values as well as their vision, ask them the following questions:

1. Ask what is important to them.

2. Ask what they would like to do in the present.

3. Ask what they would like to do in the future.

4. If they don't know say "That's ok, when the time is right you will know." I.e. Instead of giving suggestions or forcing them to come up with things.

It is important to support their beliefs as to what they want to do 100%. If they change their mind 20 times or once a week support them on their new track and never say "What happened to wanting to be a fireman or just make up your mind."

If you have already read the Better Parents, Better Kids E-book and have already asked your children these questions, then just remember to continue to support their beliefs 100%

Life is a creative process as is a person's life mission and purpose so each individual needs the space, support and freedom to go with the flow as their life unfolds in perfect timing, in perfect ways and under grace.

One Last Note From Tanis

Do you have a parenting question that you would like answered?

Send in your parenting questions to "Ask Tanis" at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

and I will be happy to answer your questions as part of our "Ask Tanis" Q & A section here in our Newsletter.

Best Wishes,

Tanis Nicole Wright

Director/Head Coach

The Better Parents, Better Kids Team

http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/

Email: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

(204) 475-0323