Welcome to our February 2010 Better Parents Better Kids Parenting Newsletter.

Hi, it's Melody Chase.

For our February Newsletter I want to talk with you about whether your child is a Highly Sensitive Person or not and if so what you can do to support and bring out the strengths and gifts of your child.

After finding out about the recent suicide of the former Growing Pains actor Andrew Koenig who has been described as a Highly Sensitive Person who suffered from depression, I was wondering if he often felt lonely and isolated and overwhelmed by being Highly Sensitive because even though he had loving and supportive friends and family most people do not know what it means to be sensitive. I also wondered if he had known someone that truly knew what it was like to be him, during his childhood and as an adult - a fellow kindred Highly Sensitive Spirit - if this would have helped to lift his spirits.

According Dr. Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D in her book The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You. (Published by Broadway Books, 1997), being a Highly Sensitive Person means your nervous system is more sensitive to subtleties. Your sight, hearing and sense of smell are not necessarily keener (although it may be) but your brain processes information and reflects on it more deeply.

Therefore a Highly Sensitive Person is someone who is sensitive or more finely tuned to different forms of energy such as light, sound, temperature, smells, touch and even emotions.

I was comparing notes with a fellow Highly Sensitive Person recently (who has the same personality type combination as me as well) about what it was like growing up and as an adult having to deal with people in public as well as meeting new people do to our abilities to pick up on not only strong energy and emotions but subtle energy and emotions from people as well.

We found that standing in line with people in Grocery stores was uncomfortable and nerve wrecking at times depending on the energy levels and the moods of people in line and depending on our mood too. Doing transactions with people whether with a cashier or even talking to customer service representative or professionals on the phone was intimating and overwhelming as well depending on how we are feeling and the intensity of the person we are talking to.

Doing transactions as the grocery store I'd drop change and couldn't count, forget what I am saying and leave my mitts behind and as my friend stated as well - I would be so overwhelmed and intimated by dominant aggressive people's energy if that was who I was dealing with, I would revert to being and sounding like a timid 8 year old child. I would leave feeling embarrassed and humiliated and I would then beat myself up about how I promised to try harder to come across as normal next time.

Then because no one knew what we were feeling and going through, our family and love ones would ignore or downplay our discomfort and judge us as being fidgety and nervous for no reason and that we just have to relax and stop being so out of control of our emotions and nerves.

Meeting new people is also overwhelming because we have to adjust to new people's energy and if we didn't know how to ground or center ourselves or learn how not to take on other people's energy we'd get really anxious.

I remember once when I was a kid, my Dad (who was a gentle, kind and loving person) and I were watching a telethon and I said I wanted to donate money and I was really excited about donating. My Dad said O.k. you call yourself and give them your information. That day I just could not call - I was overwhelmed with what felt like fear and anxiety, I kept asking my Dad to call and to do the order for me, he kept insisting that I do it myself and that I would be happy and proud of myself if I did.

I couldn't explain why to my Dad but I was just too overwhelmed with anxiety make the call and I was so sad with despair and disappointment that he couldn't understand and help me in the way that I needed to be helped. We ended up not calling because we were at a stand still and I think from that day on I developed low self esteem and a sense of despair about myself and started a long process of finding negative reasons why I do or don't do the things I do including performance anxiety, anxiety disorder, social phobia and/or just plain a big chicken - all these reasons other people told me and I told myself as well.

In fact when I became an adult and at my extreme point I really did believe I had social phobia - I had trouble being near Salespeople (having to stay in the car if I went out with Dr Robby to stores with commission salespeople) and (I kid you not) developed a phobia of handing out treats to kids at Halloween and seriously could not make phone calls (at home at least - ironically I worked at a Market Research Company for 8 years and spent the 1st four years in sheer discomfort and anxiety)

It wasn't until I understood how energy and emotions effect me that I finally understood what was going on and really until I compared notes just recently with my Highly Sensitive friend that I realized I wasn't some loser, weak person but it was perfectly normal to act this way and in lieu of knowing what to do in these situations handled things the best way I could.

So if your child is Highly Sensitive what can you do for them?

1) First and foremost - believe him or her and validate how he or she is feeling and the effects that energy has on him or her.

2) Next support your child in helping him or her be as comfortable as he or she can be if there is no immediate solution to what he or she is going through in the moment.

3) Explain to your child that he or she is normal and explain to your child that energy is a real thing and that he or she is fine-tuned to energy and someday he or she will find out the reason for this. Explain to your child that he/she will have a very important purpose in life because of these special gifts that he/she has and you will do you best to help him or her develop systems to work through the discomfort and energetically protect his/herself and cleanse his or herself of exposure to energy as well.

So the following are some resources that you may want to look into for further information about Highly Sensitive People (Including how to determine whether you child is Highly Sensitive):

The Highly Sensitive Child By Elaine N. Aron PhD - Visit the Highly Sensitive Child Website at http://www.hsperson.com/pages/child.htm

As well as more information about Highly Sensitive People in General - The Highly Sensitive Person: How To Thrive When The World Overwhelms You by Elaine N. Aron Ph.D at http://www.hsperson.com/pages/hsp.htm

Last but not least here is a wonderful article about Highly Sensitive People and Empaths by Carolyn Wilson-Elliott called - What are Self-Coaching Skills and Why Do Sensitives Need Them? at http://quantumspirit.net/Empaths/Home/WhatareSelf-CoachingSkills/index.cfm

As for Andrew Koenig, I don't know why he committed suicide, he carried a lot of World Causes on his shoulders and truly loved and cared for the planet he lived on. Perhaps he didn't feel he could do everything he wanted to do to make the world a better place and he may have taken in all the hurt and fears and anger from the world around him but if that is case and you may have a child who is as beautiful and sensitive as this man was, it is worth taking the time to find out if your child is Highly Sensitive and then give him/her all the resources and support to help him or her create the life of his/her dreams and be brilliant in his/her areas of sensitivity.

What's On Joey's Mind?

If you have a question for Joey, you can email us at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Ask Tanis

Hi, it's Melody once more...

If you have any parenting questions for our Ask Tanis Column, feel free to contact Tanis relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Don't Forget to Visit the Forum!

Don't forget to check-out our Better Parents Better Kids Parenting Forum http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/forum

Warm Regards,

Melody Chase
Better Parents Better Kids Team
Website: http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com
Email: relationshipcentre@shaw.ca
Twitter: BPBKParenting

Happy New Year!

Welcome to our January 2010 Better Parents Better Kids Parenting Newsletter.

Hi, it's Melody Chase.

For this month I do not have any articles planned but I just have a couple of updates about future Newsletters for this year.

One topic that we will be highlighting is a discussion between Dr. Robby, Developer of the Better Parents, Better Kids Program and Tanis, the Director of the Better Parents, Better Kids Program about Tanis’s son Cameron who has been having trouble with his tummy.

Find out why his stomach is so upset, how it is related to what is going on in his life including school and find out the solutions that Tanis and Dr. Robby discuss.

Another topic we will be talking about is in regards to how to reinforce children’s positive behavior versus negative behavior caused by children picking up Aggressive and Dysfunctional Behaviors that they learn from their parents, society and through trial and error.

So until I begin these topics starting next month, I do have another Parenting Website and Program that I highly recommend to check out.

I was first introduced to Denny Hagel via Twitter @kidsbestlife and I realized very quickly that she has many of the same beliefs and approaches to parenting as we do including empowering our children and being a positive role-model.

So if you like to check out her website visit at http://www.innovativeparentingllc.com

Warm Regards

Melody Chase

What's On Joey's Mind?

If you have a question for Joey, you can email us at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Ask Tanis

Hi, it's Melody once more...

If you have any parenting questions for our Ask Tanis Column, feel free to contact Tanis relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Don't Forget to Visit the Forum!

Don't forget to check-out our Better Parents Better Kids Parenting Forum http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/forum

Happy New Year Once Again!

Melody Chase
Better Parents Better Kids Team
Website: http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com
Email: relationshipcentre@shaw.ca
Twitter: BPBKParenting

Season's Greetings!

Welcome to our December 2009 Better Parents Better Kids Parenting Newsletter.

Hi, it's Melody Chase.

December is a very busy month because of the holiday season plus Dr Robby and I along with our other Publishing Partner Cucan Pemo held a Christmas Promotion for our Counsellor in a Box Home Study Relationship Program. The sale is over but if you are interested in our Program visit us at http://www.counsellorinabox.com for more information or for Relationship Information and Resources in general visit our Counsellor in a Box Blog at http://counsellorinabox.com/blog and our Free Relationship Video Tutorial website at http://counsellorinabox.com/FreeVideos.html

Anyway I have been so distracted not only did I forget what I was planning to write about I almost forgot about our December Better Parents Better Kids Newsletter entirely.

Luckily I was with my Mom and a friend of hers named Sherri at Sherri's house for dinner.

Sherri is a mother of two sons, one is 15 the other is in his early 20s and both are currently living at home.

I was commenting on how beautifully decorated Sherri's Christmas tree was and Sherri then pointed to two little mini trees nearby that had their own unique styles of decoration.

Sherri asked if I liked the mini-trees as well since each tree belonged to one of her sons and they each decorated their tree however they liked.

I was like - Wow! Yes I do like them and thank you for reminding me that this was the topic I was going to write about for our December Better Parents Parenting Newsletter.

It was quite a coincidence because I was going to be talking to everyone here today about how in the spirit of celebrating your child's uniqueness and freedom of expression I was going to remind everyone about how Tina, a Mother of two young sons who was featured in our Practical Parenting Tips as well as our Aggressive Behaviour Series gave each of her sons a little mini Christmas tree of their own to decorate in addition to assisting in decorating the main family Christmas tree last year.

Tina's children had a blast decorating their own trees and now after talking with Sherri it was very inspiring to see that her son's are never to old to have fun and decorate their own little trees as well!

So it may be a little too late this year, but it is a fun Christmas decorating idea to keep in mind for Christmas 2010 with your family.

In other news our Better Parents Better Kids Team is wrapping up for the year and is preparing for all of the events of the season.

In our January 2010 Newsletter I will be giving some updates on new events and products that we will be developing as we starting gearing up again for the New Year.

So On Behalf of Dr Robby, Tanis, Myself and the Rest of the Better Parents, Better Kids Team We Wish You and Your Family a Fun and Joyful Holiday Season and a Happy New Year!

What's On Joey's Mind?

If you have a question for Joey, you can email us at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Ask Tanis

Hi, it's Melody once more...

If you have any parenting questions for our Ask Tanis Column, feel free to contact Tanis relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Don't Forget to Visit the Forum!

Don't forget to check-out our Better Parents Better Kids Parenting Forum http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/forum

Happy Holidays!

Melody Chase
Better Parents Better Kids Team
Website: http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com
Email: relationshipcentre@shaw.ca
Twitter: BPBKParenting

Welcome to our September 2009 Better Parents, Better Kids Newsletter Issue!

This month we will be continuing the 4th and last Part of Tanis's and Tina's Aggressive Behavior Series.

In Part 1 of our Aggressive Behavior Series, Tina had asked a series of questions relating to her son Nicco's aggressive behavior and how she should approach the situation with her son.

To review Tina's questions visit our June 2009 issue @ http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/index.php/newsletters/143-june-2009-newsletter.html

We (Tanis and I) decided to split our answers for Tina into a 4 part series, and in our last issue - August 2009 we discussed Cause and Effect and the importance of Tina telling her son about Cause and Effect.

Now for Part 4 let's talk about rules and that some rules are necessary.

4) Rules Are OK:

Hi Tina

Once you teach your son basic communication and later communication and conflict resolution techniques? you also have to explain to your child that you will do your best to try to meet his needs but there are times that you are not going to be able to meet his needs, especially in regards to rules.

You can explain to Nicco that it may not seem fair to him, but as a child living within a family household with parents, then in school and in society there are going to be rules that he has to go along with.

As he gets older, he will have more freedom, but for now he has to understand that there are certain rules he has to go by and that for his health and for the sake of keeping his options open in the future (i.e. staying in school, staying out of juvenile detention or not having a criminal record), he will have to go along with the rules.

For a really good example of having to go along with the rules check out the Better Parents, Better Kids Monthly Newsletters starting from Oct 2008 about Cameron and Tanis at http://betterparentsbetterkids.com/index.php/newsletters.html

P.S.

Note To Readers: Tina was also asking us about Nicco wanting to have chocolate milk everyday for breakfast and what she should do about it.

Here is my answer for Tina:

Hi Tina,

In regards to the chocolate milk - cravings are often our body's way of telling us that we are either deficient in something that our body needs i.e. certain vitamins or minerals or that he is feeling certain emotions that are causing certain chemical reactions in the body which in turn create the craving. I.e. craving something sweet means that he is feeling hurt or sad.

In Nicco's case he may need more serotonin (best source is turkey) calcium (i.e milk, cheese) and Vitamin C (fruit, veggies) and of course vitamins.

He may also be mismatching you because he can feel your resistance to what he is having.

So while incorporating the suggestions above into his diet continue to allow him to have the chocolate milk without resistance and with the mindset that all is well and he will be o.k. - he should eventually get tired of the chocolate milk.

For information about food cravings and emotional connection see an excellent book by Spiritual Psychologist and Best-selling Author Doreen Virtue called "Constant Craving: A to Z: A Simple Guide to Understanding and Healing Your Food Cravings" (Hay House, January 15, 1999) and the original book that is back by popular demand "Constant Craving" (Hay House, June 15,2004). (Either book is just perfect).

So that completes our 4 Part Aggressive Series, we will give you an update in a future newsletter as to how Tina and Nicco are doing.

If you (the reader) have any questions about our suggestions about Rules being o.k. you can reach us @ relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

What's On Joey's Mind?

If you have a question for Joey, you can email us at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Ask Tanis

Hi, it's Melody once more...

If you have any parenting questions for our "Ask Tanis" Column, feel free to contact Tanis @ relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Don't Forget to Visit the Forum!

Don't forget to check-out our Better Parents Better Kids Parenting Forum @ http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/forum

Until Next Time,

Melody Chase
Better Parents Better Kids Team
Website: http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com
Email: relationshipcentre@shaw.ca
Twitter: @BPBKParenting

This month we will be continuing with Part 3 of Tanis's and Tina's Aggressive Behavior Series.

In Part 1 of our Aggressive Behavior Series, Tina had asked a series of questions relating to her Nicco's aggressive behavior and how she should approach the situation with her son.

To review Tina's questions visit our June 2009 issue @ http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/index.php/newsletters/143-june-2009-newsletter.html

We (Tanis and I) decided to split our answers for Tina into a 4 part series, and in our June 2009 issue we discussed how her son may have been using Control Dramas to get his way and to get his needs met.

For our July Newsletter we discussed Part 2 Shadowsides.

Now for Part 3 let's discuss how issues around Nicco not understanding Cause and Effect? that may have an effect on what is going on between Tina and Nicco.

Part 3 - Cause and Effect

Hi Tina,

You will have to teach your son about cause and effect ? there is always an effect to all decisions and actions we take big or small.

So you can say something like the following to your son ? although we unconditionally love you and will always unconditionally love you ? when you act in destructive ways or are angry all time other people are not going to want be around you and will start to move away from you.

It is o.k. to express your anger but do not direct it at people - we will help you to learn ways on how to tell us what you want in a way that we will understand you and help you to find ways to let out your anger without breaking things or scaring people.

At his age ask him - What you do want? - Then just instruct him to either show, say (Show me what you want) tell or explain (tell him to say I want ____) or express through expressing how he feels (How do you feel? I feel ____)

Then when he gets older you can teach him our basic Communication and Conflict Resolution Techniques. (These Communication and Conflict Resolutions Techniques are available in our Better Parents, Better Kids Parenting Program E-book @ http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/info

Healthy ways to release anger and aggression include going for a walk or a run, getting him a punching bag, have a pillow fight even let him slam doors as long as you explain that he can slam doors at home not a school or in his future place of employment.

If you (the reader) have any questions about our suggestions about Cause and Effect you can reach us @ relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

In Part 4 of our Aggressive Series, we will be discussing Rules and How Rules Are O.k. since in past Newsletters and Articles we talked about the importance of allowing your child to be an authentic expression of themselves -so Tina was wanting to know what type of Rules are good to set for her children especially for Nicco.

What's On Joey's Mind?

If you have a question for Joey, you can email us at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Ask Tanis

Hi, it's Melody once more...

If you have any parenting questions for our "Ask Tanis" Column, feel free to contact Tanis at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Don't Forget to Visit the Forum!

Don't forget to check-out our Better Parents Better Kids Parenting Forum @ http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/forum

Until Next Time,

Melody Chase
Better Parents Better Kids Team
Website: http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com
Email: relationshipcentre@shaw.ca
Twitter: @BPBKParenting

Welcome to our July 2009 Better Parents, Better Kids Newsletter Issue.

This month we will be continuing with Part 2 of Tanis' and Tina's "Aggressive Behavior" Series.

Aggressive Behavior Series: Part 2 - Shadowsides

In Part 1 of our Aggressive Behavior Series, Tina had asked a series of questions relating to her Nicco's aggressive behavior and how she should approach the situation with her son.

We (Tanis and I) decided to split our answers for Tina into a 4 part series, and in our June 2009 issue we discussed how her son may have been using "Control Dramas" to get his way and to get his needs met.

To review Tina's questions and to see our answer for Part 1 on Control Dramas, visit our June 2009 issue @ http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/index.php/newsletters/143-june-2009-newsletter.html

Now for Part 2 let's discuss how something that we call "Shadowsides" may have an effect on what is going on between Tina and her son Nicco.

Hi Tina,

You may have heard about Shadowsides from either Carl Jung or Debbie Ford, for the purposes of our definition and how we define a Shadowside in our books and programs is that a Shadowside is a concept that says that we as humans (just as everything in the universe) is made up of energy and that there are all aspects and energies of people within ourselves.

We have the potential to be like every other person and to show all sides of what it means as a human being including all energies and aspects that we may think of as good, bad or even unimaginable.

So there are sides or energy aspects of ourselves that are either not dominant or are repressed and/or there are aspects about ourselves that we think that we cannot love for many different reasons that we call the Shadowside.

It is called the Shadowside because it is our hidden side and also because people are often repressing or denying an aspect of themselves that they see in others. The term Shadowside may also be used because it appears to be dark or negative to them.

We often will draw in people, places and things into our lives through our subconscious mind so we can become aware, understand, accept, appreciate and even forgive the Shadowside aspect of ourselves.

There may also be aspects of ourselves that we need to draw out, balance or compliment - in doing so we return to remembering our wholeness.

For more information about Shadowsides, we recommend Debbie Ford's "The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, Reclaiming Your Power, Creativity, Brilliance, and Dreams." as well as Debbie Ford's website at www.debbieford.com

We also discuss Shadowsides and have Shadowside exercises in our Counsellor in a Box Relationship Home Study Program (http://www.counsellorinabox.com ), our Love By Design Book (http://www.lovebydesignbook.com) and our Better Parents Better Kids Parenting Program. (http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/info )

For you Tina, in regards to you and your son Nicco, you may have Shadowside issues that Nicco is expressing or presenting to you in regards to the following areas:

1) Being Destructive ? throwing, punching and breaking things
2) Being "bad" ? whatever bad means to you
3) That it is o.k. to have what you want in the way you want it when you want it
4) Being unappreciative, being self-righteous and demanding - spoiled
5) Not following rules

If you have trouble with loving, accepting or appreciating any of the energies listed above you may have Shadowsides in these areas and you will need to use the 7 Ascension Attitudes of Love so you can accept that you have all of these energy potentials within yourself and that your son may have these energies within him as well.

So you have to:

1) Understand - these energies
2) Accept - these energies
3) Allow ? these energies
4) Forgive - these energies
5) Appreciate - these energies
6) Have Gratitude - with these energies
7) Love ? these energies

If you or any of our readers have any questions about Shadowsides, please feel free to contact us at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

In Part 3 of our Aggressive Series, we will be discussing issues regarding Nicco and explaining about "Cause and Effect"

What's On Joey's Mind?

If you have a question for Joey, you can email us at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Ask Tanis

Hi, it's Melody once more...

If you have any parenting questions for our "Ask Tanis" Column, feel free to contact Tanis at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Don't Forget to Visit the Forum!

Don't forget to check-out our Better Parents Better Kids Parenting Forum @ http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/forum

Until Next Time,

Melody Chase
Better Parents Better Kids Team
Website: http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com
Email: relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Hi it’s Melody Chase.

Welcome to our June 2009 Better Parents, Better Kids Newsletter Issue.

This month we start a new series, this time with Tina as well as Tanis and I – see this upcoming section for all the details!

Aggressive Behavior Series – Part 1

Anyone who has read Tanis’s Q & A Blog (http://www.tanisnicole.wordpress.com) may remember Tina, a married woman with two young sons from our “Give Your Children What They Desire” 3 Part Series and our 7 Part “Practical Parenting Tips Series”.

Well, Tina is back and she has some more parenting questions this time in regards to her son Nicco’s aggressive behavior so Tanis and I decided to create a 4 part series to answer Tina’s questions.

So the following is an email that Tina sent to us with her most recent parenting questions:

Tina:

Hi Tanis and Melody,

I sent an email a little while back telling about this circle or pattern that I seem to be stuck in regarding my children and husband which seems to be worsening.

Dr. Robby, Melody, Tanis.....anyone that can help me, I need some insight and some help with this one.

This is a pattern that I can't seem to step out of......It is this constant cycle with my son Nicco. He doesn't get something he wants or is demanding and spins into a violent and destructive behavior such as hitting things against the wall so as to break it open (which he has done) or hitting and kicking me ,breaking my things or house things, saying "bad" words, and he cannot calm down and listen.

I do not know what to do - I've tried everything and I cannot deal with this behavior in a way that I feel is beneficial. I have no control over him - he chooses not to listen and there is no changing that. I've even just sat by idly and done nothing - much was destroyed in his room.

My husband often gets aggressive (yells or physically restrains him) and this compiles the intensity of the situation because I do not like that and he knows this - so he really adds to my frustration in the moment. This is the second part of the pattern where my husband and I are at odds - our parenting style is OPPOSITE if that was one lol.

In addition, my son will start feeling bad and saying that he hates himself, he is bad, he wants to be dead, nobody likes him, his friends all hate him, the wanting to be dead breaks my heart as do any of the things he is saying- and the reality of his situation is not what he is saying. He is so loved by everyone and he is the most wonderful child and he is constantly reassured of that - he just does not know how to appropriately express himself and I do not know how to help him. My husband told me that there needs to be some kind of consequence or discipline - but what???

The second question I have is what sort of rules are necessary and how do I enforce them?? I do not believe in punishment but I have resorted to that in the past. I do not know how to establish rules or set boundaries and with my new knowledge I really get confused as to what to do because I don't want to screw up my kids. This is totally buggering me up.

Tina

It’s Melody again, so for this 4 part series which we will call the “Aggressive Behavior Series”, the following are the 4 areas that I am going to be discussing

1) Control Dramas
2) Shadowsides
3) Cause and Effect
4) Rules are o.k.

For this Newsletter, let’s discuss Part One of our 4 Part Series - Control Dramas

1) Control Dramas: Understand that your son Nicco is using “control dramas” to try and get his way and he is trying different techniques and styles. Common types of control dramas used by people of all ages are yelling, crying, making threats and throwing things.

Children will learn control dramas from people in their environments as well as children will experiment and discover their own forms of control dramas and try out these different types of control dramas to see which ones stick - that is if they are not taught healthier and more functional ways to get their needs met.

The 1st key is to embrace and acknowledge that Nicco is using control dramas otherwise what you resist will persist - yet at the same time do not be emotionally effected by his control dramas since what you give attention, emotions and energy to can develop into subconscious mind patterns that will repeat in your environment in both the same and different forms (the resulting emotions you will feel as the result of the pattern will be the common theme).

Even if you are not aware of or do not believe in the subconscious mind and the power it has to create patterns – by emotionally reacting to Nicco’s behavior, you indicate to him that his control drama is working and this will reinforce him to use this style of control drama again in the future.

In the next 3 parts of our series, we will have suggestions as to how to deal with the actual behavior now since you have embraced and acknowledged that Nicco is using control dramas.

In Part 2 of our Aggressive Behaviour Series we will be discussing “Shadowsides”

If you, (as the reader) have any questions about the Subconscious Mind, Patterns or Control dramas you can email us @ relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

We also discuss in more detail about the subconscious mind and patterns relating to you and your children in our Better Parents, Better Kids Parenting Program E-book @ http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/info

What’s On Joey’s Mind?

If you have a question for Joey, you can email us at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Ask Tanis

Hi, it’s Melody once more…

If you have any parenting questions for our “Ask Tanis” Column, feel free to contact Tanis @ relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Don’t Forget to Visit the Forum!

Don’t forget to check-out our Better Parents Better Kids Parenting Forum at http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/forum/

Until Next Time,

Melody Chase
Better Parents Better Kids Team
Website: http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com
Email: relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Hi it’s Melody Chase.

Welcome to our April 2009 Better Parents, Better Kids Newsletter Issue.

I’m on Carpal Tunnel Rest/Recovery and Tanis and Joey are not available this month, so as a treat, I have included an excerpt from our Better Parents, Better Kids Parenting E-book for our Lesson #6 of our 7 part  “Understanding Your Child’s Differences” Series.

Lesson #6 Workstyles and Level of Structure: Guideline, Employee, Process and In The Moment Structure

Welcome to Lesson #6 of our 7 Part Series on “Understanding Your Child's Differences.”

Today’s Lesson is about differences in regards to Workstyles.

The following is an excerpt written by myself, Melody (that has been shortened a bit for easier reading) from our Better Parents, Better Kids Parenting Program E-book (http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/info.com )

“In the introduction (of the Better Parents, Better Kids Parenting E-book http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/info) I mentioned that children like structure in their lives.  Is this really true for all children?  According to Dr. Robby, he says that all children do need structure, but at different varying degrees and styles.

This is dependent on the unique needs and rhythms of the person, and doesn’t necessarily align with the person’s personality.

For example, I was watching an evening TV news magazine show one night that was talking about parenting and teenagers.  One story was about a codependent Amiable mother who was having a lot of trouble with her Expressive teenage daughter. (See our November Newsletter for a review on Personality Types)

The daughter had no respect for her Mom, and didn’t listen to her or help her around the house or with chores.  The teenager said that she didn’t respect her Mom because she would never follow through on her threats of punishment and never set ground rules.

At first, I thought that was kind of strange since I thought that an Expressive teenager would just love all the freedom.  So I had to ask Dr. Robby what was up with this teenager.  

That’s when Dr. Robby explained to me that different kids have different needs and degrees of structure that they need.  In this particular teen’s case, in order to feel cared for and secure, she needed a structure that involved a more rigid standard of discipline. It may be a combination of the child’s personality, values and how they feel cared for that determines the degree and style of discipline that the each individual child would need.

Another area that may have an effect on the level and style of structure of a child is workstyle. Each individual has there own workstyle and their workstyle is actually very similar to the type of structure that they would have liked as children. The following are common workstyles that adults have.  After I give the brief descriptions, I’ll explain how that works with children.”

Guideline people: These are people whether they are passive or dominant who need a basic structure or guideline 24 hours a day, even if they don’t follow through on it exactly, they need it as a back-up incase they get lost, or overwhelmed during the course of their waking hours.  These are the same group of people who need a plan and believe that planning is important or else they feel really lost and unproductive.

Dr. Robby is an example of a guideline person. Every though freedom is extremely important to him, he needs a guideline for the day in order to be free because otherwise he is overwhelmed with decisions that will confuse and immobilize him. If he has his guideline or backbone he is confident to go ahead and do what he has to do because he’s safe in knowing that he has something to guide him, he finds himself out of sorts and a guide in order for him to maintain his sense of control.

There are passive guideline people also, they need it to help with confusion, because confusion and doubt can immobilize, a plan makes them feel safe and also they need it or else they could be easily swept away or distracted by the dominant people in their lives.

The teenager for the evening news magazine show is an example of a guideline person.  The expert who was helping the family out got the Mother to put up a schedule and chore list (something she had done when the kid was younger but had stopped doing) and reinforced and didn’t back down on punishment such as grounding and taking cell phones away.  The daughter actually enjoyed having the structure, even when she was being punished, she genuinely felt secure and cared for.

Ways to be able to tell if your child is a Guideline person is:

•  Ask them if they like lists and assignments.
•  Works well with lists and are not in resistance to them.
•  Enjoy having organization or progress meetings.
•  Like to test boundaries with you to see what they can get away with.
 
Employee people: These are people who are willing to play other people’s game up to a certain point, and then they want time to themselves.  It similar to a person who works hard at a factory, then once they punch out for the night, it is R and R time without any guidelines or structure to go by.

I (Melody) am an example of that. I will go along with Dr Robby’s plans and do an extremely good job as being his assistant in work related activities. However, there comes a point in the course of the day, when I no longer want structure and I want to play and be in the moment.  Usually less dominant people are employees, but it is possible for a dominant person to play employee as long as boundaries are developed, and the roles are clearly defined so no one is stepping on anyone.

An example of an employee style child is someone who enjoys the structure of school and works well within the system, then when they gets home needs to play and have fun before having to do homework, or needs to have fun-time before going to bed if they do they chores or homework first.

If they do not get their free time, they will drag through or start to try to get their free time during the structured time.  For example, they may want to watch their favorite TV show and a movie or play before going to school.  If they get their free time then they will carry-on as normal in the structured time at school, if they don’t they may be cranky or drag themselves to school.

On days off, they like to accomplish structured activities, and them enjoy their free time, and will actually seem uncomfortable or lost if they don’t participate in some sort of structured activity.

For example when I, (Melody) was a kid I used to sometimes sleepover at a friend’s house for the weekend.  Not knowing that I was an employee type person, I thought that I would love just playing 24 hrs a day.  However, I look back now and realize that wasn’t the case.  When I would sleep over at my friends, she would like to lie around all afternoon and just watch TV and relax.  

After a few hours, I would start to get really uncomfortable and felt like going home to get something done.  Don’t get me wrong, I loved and still absolutely love TV, relaxing and playing, but I really needed to be part of a structure and a plan for a certain amount of time a day to feel centred and productive.

The guideline and employee may sound similar, the main difference is that an Guideline person needs to their guideline in order to function, as a backbone even if they are in play, where as an employee person can go by anyone’s structure when they are in structure mode, and do not want to go by any structure when they are in play.
 
Ways to tell if your child is an employee type is that:

•  If you notice a sudden shift in energy or attention to what they are doing, often they being to drag or become unfocused.

• At those times you can ask them: Do you need some free time?  Or do you need something to do? Of course ask this question in an earnest and supportive way not sarcastically like, “Oh yeah I’ll give you something to do.”

•  If you observe after maintaining structure all day with no free time, the child spends several hours playing in bed after they are suppose to be sleeping or get up the next day wanting to play or watch TV or a movie.

•  You observe that if you are having a free weekend and heading to the beach and you child looks worried, tentative or they are not enjoying themselves.  In this situation, again you can ask them if there is anything that they feel like they need to do.

Process Centred Workstyle: Process centred people need to do things in a step by step process in order to do something. They need to prepare, process and organize their thoughts in their head.(and often prepare, process and organize on paper as well.)

In order to do this, process centred people often want to know what is going to happen ahead of time before going into a situation so they can prepare and will often suffer from anxiety with the unknown or new situations. If drown into a new situation or spur of the moment situation they may react like a deer caught in the headlights.

Often people who are Digitals, or Amiables or Analyticals have a tendency to be process centred. Often they will want to know about what is going to happen in a new situation and are hesitant to try something new if they do not know anything about the new situation and often feel overwhelmed when they are new situations if unprepared.

They don’t need to know everything, but just enough so they can prepare as if they have cue cards to work off of when they go into the situation as well as needing some time to organize their thoughts.

Often parents especially if they are “in the moment” people which are people who don’t plan and just work with the situation as the situation come up ( more on the “in the moment people” coming up next) don’t understand why the process centred children need to plan.  

In the moment people are often Visuals or Auditory or Expressive people so they are just fast on their feet, adapt quickly to new situations, have to the natural gift of gab or are instinctively good with people in social situations so whatever is needed for them to be doing or saying just comes naturally to them in the moment.

So if parents are “in the moment” people, they may think of the process centred children’s questions as irrelevant and not answer them or get angry with their children because they are being a bother.  

It is extremely important though, that a process centred person and children to be supported for who they are so they can learn to support themselves without feeling guilt, needing to explain themselves or justify or defend what their needs are or what they need to know.

A person who is supported in their need to prepare can be just as productive and effective as an “in the moment” person (After all process centred people are often our System Developers, Accountants, Writers and Teachers, so the world really needs them) and just as an “in the moment” person needs the freedom to be in the moment, a process person needs the freedom to do what they need to do to prepare.

When the process centred person and children feel supported and unconditionally loved they will be able to draw in people, places and tools to support themselves in whichever way the process centred person needs.

How to Tell If Your Child is Process Centred:

•  When they do a task, the order in which they do it is more important than how long it takes to complete it.
•  They like routine.
•  They are uncomfortable if they are forced to rush through something.
•  They ask a lot of questions in order to understand what they are doing or about to do.
•  Are nervous about going into new situations, unless they know what is going to be going on.
•  If they are thrown into a new situation they will look stunned or appear overwhelmed.
•  Appear more comfortable if they have time to prepare for a new situation or change of activity.
•  Like to do activities that involve step by step completion like puzzles or organizing things.

In the Moment people: (or move in the moment people). These people have no structure at anytime, they move freely in the moment and do not plan at all.  Everything they do comes to them in the moment and they feel no need for planning.  For “in the moment” people, as long as they are not continuously hounded about not being capable, they truly would know what to do on the spur of the moment at any given time, it will just come to them. Ideally this is what it is like for people who are in tune with God or with their inner being, so people naturally pick up on their intuition, other people are doing it by instinct and their belief in themselves.

If the “in the moment” child lives with parents who are “in the moment” there may be some powerstruggles because everyone will have their own thing going on, but otherwise at least the parent will understand where the child is coming from.  However, what happens in most cases is the parents are coming from the C.A.P. paradigm and the idea that kids do in fact need structure, that it is impossible to properly raise a child without some sense of structure, not only is it not safe, it is unproductive and will spoil the child and the child will run rampant as well as will appear wild and out of control in the eyes of others.

•  Does your like to do things in the spur of the moment?
•  Does your child seem to enjoy new experiences and environments?
•  Does your child appear to be highly intuitive?
•  Does your child appear to know what do, think or say in the moment without planning ahead or thinking about it?
•  Does a schedule or structure make your child feel bogged down or restricted or do they act out or appear agitated or bored when given a schedule or structure?

If you have any questions about Workstyles you can email us at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

In our next newsletter we will be talking about our final area of our series on Metaprograms.

What’s On Joey’s Mind?

It’s Melody again.

Joey was busy again this month with school, so he will be back for our May Issue.

Ask Tanis

Hi It’s Melody once more…

If you have any parenting questions for our “Ask Tanis” Column, feel free to contact Tanis at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Don’t Forget to Visit the Forum!

Don’t forget to check-out our Better Parents Better Kids Parenting Forum at http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/forum/

Until Next Time,

Melody Chase
Better Parents Better Kids Team
Website: http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com
Email: relationshipcentre@shaw.ca
(204) 475-0323

Hi it’s Melody Chase.

For our March Newsletter Issue we have an update from Tanis about how Cameron is doing for you to check-out after our Lesson #5 on Bodytypes as part of our 7 part “Understanding Your Child’s Differences” Series.

Lesson #5 Bodytypes

Welcome to Lesson #5 of our 7 Part Series on “Understanding Your Child's Differences.”
Today’s Lesson is about differences in regards to Bodytypes.

The following is an excerpt (that has been shortened a bit for easier reading) from our Better Parents, Better Kids Parenting Program E-book (http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/info.com )

Bodytypes - Pittas and Vatas and Kalphas

Another area of difference that has an effect on understanding differences is what we call bodytypes. Different bodytypes have an effect on what people want to do and even what occupations and how they live their life.

When parents don’t understand that different bodytypes have different needs and likes, they may force their children to do things that are physically uncomfortable for them and if their children resist or complain parents may just think their children are trying to be difficult, are being weak or they are just tired or cranky.

If children, as they grow up are continuously convinced that they should ignore how they are feeling, just buck up and do what everyone else is doing, they begin to doubt their feelings, make decisions and take career paths that are not in their highest and best interest. The stress on their bodies can also lead to future health problems.

So the following is an overview of three main bodytypes that we will be discussing and we will explain how they relate to children.

The following is an excerpt from the Book “Who am I?” Edited by Robert Frager, PhD (published by G.P. Putnam’s Sons, 1994) is about the history and overview of the Ayurverdic Temperaments.

“The Ayurverdic Temperaments is the belief that all things in nature are composed of basic elements which is common in many civilizations. Before the development of modern chemistry and physics, early scientists and philosophers tried to order the universe according to basic, universal principles. In addition to the four elements of the Greeks (Fire, water, earth and Air), Indian philosophers postulated the fifth element of ether, an element even more insubstantial than the element of air.”

Indian Ayurverdic physicians developed three constitutional or body-mind types based on combinations of these elements. Vata is composed of air and ether, Pitta is fire and earth, and Kalpha is earth and water. The Vata type is active, enthusiastic and quick. The Pitta type is sharp, enterprising, and articulate. The Kalpha type is strong, steady, and tolerant.

Ayurverdic comes from two root words ayus or “life” and Veda or “Knowledge” or “science”. Ayurverdic, often translated as the “science of life” is over five thousand years old. For each type, there is an ideal diet, lifestyle and also herbal remedies designed to bring the system into harmony and balance”.

For more information read the book “Who AM I? Personality Types for Self-Discovery” Edited by Robert Frager, PhD. Chapter Six is Deepak Chopra’s full and fascinating explanation of the different body types.

The following is my own brief explanation of each of the three main bodytypes.

Pittas – The Tiger

People with the Pitta Bodytype, whose animal representative is a tiger, in appearance is similar to a Driver type personality and body type. Typically they are blocky and have little to none hip to chest ratio. Pittas love cool and dry environments; they just love to live in desert type locations like the mountains for example places like Calgary or Denver or even anywhere in the State of Alaska. Pittas are also the people who can handle cold the best, so a lot of Pittas are involved in winter sports or outdoor winter jobs or activities. They get hot very quickly, which makes them uncomfortable and many don’t like getting wet, just like a cat or tiger. Some Pittas also prefer cold over heat for injuries or if they are not feeling well. Personality wise, Pittas are bold, direct and more quick tempered that the other personality types.

Vatas – The Squirrels

People with the Vata Bodytype are just like the animal they represent - which is a squirrel. They are “Squirrelly”, are concerned about preparing for events and the future and are quick on their feet. Vatas are “stick shaped or similar to an ectomorph body type. They love warm and dry temperatures. Vata people are the people who if they are not in a warm and dry place will constantly be cold. This is that little female working at the McDonald’s drive-thru that looks like she’s going to turn into a human Popsicle at any moment. Vatas can handle warmer temperatures far easier than Pittas.

Kalphas – The Elephants

People with the Kalpha are similar to their animal representatives, the elephant. Kalphas are people who are larger boned and have larger hips. They have a watery and doughy feel and look to them. Even their eyes are watery and doughy. They are more laid-back and gentler than the other bodytypes. Kalpha Bodytype people absolutely love warm and wet environments, like baths or saunas or even tropical environments.

So you can see where potential problems can occur if parents are unaware of their children’s bodytype. If both parents have Pitta body types and their idea of the perfect vacation is a Winter Ski trip, and one of their kids happened to be a Vata, the Vata child is not going to be physically comfortable for the majority of trip. Then if their brother or sister is a Pitta like the parents, chances are the Vata child is going to get teased or picked on by them because the Vata is always cold and complaining.

Bodytypes can effect everyday life such as Tanis’s example of one of her children, Joey who has a Pitta bodytype. Joey used to constantly having trouble with feeling overheated and not liking the feel of his socks and clothes especially if the clothes were wool which traps in heat.

Tanis, (being a Vata bodytype) didn’t understand that her son would get hot a lot more quickly than her. Tanis used to think Joey was just being difficult so not only would she say she wasn’t happy with his behavior she would force him to wear the clothes and be uncomfortable.

Today, Tanis totally understands about differences, personalities and bodytypes, now she understands and supports her son’s need to be comfortable in his clothes and will allow him to keep changing until he is comfortable. She will create a supportive environment for him too, in order him to have the time to find what he needs.

Another example was when Dr. Robby (who is part Pitta Bodytype and part Vata Bodytype) was a child he couldn’t stand getting wet (outside of taking a bath or shower of course) and he would have to change immediately if he got his clothes wet (Even today we keep extra pairs of clean, dry socks in the car for Dr. Robby in preparation for any type of Winnipeg weather).

One winter day, when Dr. Robby was just a little guy at school, he got wet playing out at recess and he ran home to change instead of attempting to dry off at school. The school and his teacher thought that there maybe something wrong with him and trying to label him as having some sort of behavioral problem but his Mom knew him and started packing extra clothes and towels for him to keep at school.

Bodytypes again, of course can have future effects too, such as if a teen with a Kalpha Bodytype, who lives in Juno, Alaska with parents who are Pitta Bodytypes and the Kalpha teen wants to become a missionary in the warm and steamy Congo - the parents may think that she wouldn’t enjoy that kind of environment because they wouldn’t and try to discourage her from taking that kind of career path.

When your child is small, it may be hard to physically tell what your child’s bodytype is, so the important thing is to listen and be aware when your child is telling you he or she uncomfortable, too hot or too cold and then be supportive of what it is that he or she needs in order to be comfortable.

You can also explain to your child how everyone’s bodytypes are different, have different needs and ways on how everyone’s bodies are comfortable and it is o.k. for everyone to take care of themselves in order to be comfortable.

For Tanis’s children Joey and Cameron - they both know that their Mom Tanis is a Vata Bodytype who gets cold easily and that their Dad Jason is a Pitta Bodytype and he gets hot and perspires very quickly.

Joey and Cameron also observe how Tanis and Jason take care of their own comfort while respecting and supporting the comfort of each other as well.

If you have any questions about Bodytypes you can email us at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

In our next newsletter we will be talking about children and different “Workstyles” or ways on how we all carry out our day on a regular basis.

What’s On Joey’s Mind?

It’s Melody again.

Joey was busy this month with school, so he will have his answer to our February Question “If there was on question he would like to ask a parent in regards to being a parent what would that be?” for our April Newsletter instead.

Ask Tanis

Hi It’s Melody once more…

We have an update about Cameron since last month when he came down with coup and what happened with his situation at school.

The following is an email Tanis sent to me after we had gone back and forth discussing the reasons behind Cameron’s coup and how the situation with his teacher may have caused him to feel smothered and rundown.

Tanis’s Email Response:

Thanks!

That would make perfect sense. He just has to put up with her (his teacher ) until the end of the year, but when he goes to school it seems to suck the life and motivation out of him... except if he has a substitute teacher.

That's great that your nephew found his “A” group, it makes such a huge difference.

I'm sure Cameron does feel under attack as he has pushed the teacher’s buttons a few times and now she is all over him. She even suggested he not go to Texas (on a family trip) because he is "academically behind". That really upset him.

Anyway, Jason and I scheduled a meeting with the teacher and the resource teacher and went thru everything.

It turns out he is not behind and the resource teacher said he feels Cameron is a very intelligent little boy.

I'm sure the teacher is not happy after I confronted her and the situation, but if I hadn't Cameron would be labeled by her.

Well, thanks again for the info I appreciate it.

Tanis

Since the email, Cameron has recovered from the coup and as we discussed in our last newsletter, sometimes certain personalities are just not going to get along such as in the case of Cameron and his teacher

Tanis took an assertive approach to the situation that worked to prevent Cameron from becoming labeled and prevented his self-esteem from getting battered any further.

Otherwise, Cameron with the help of Tanis is continuing to learn about what he can and cannot change at this point and time in his life and how to go along with the flow in regards to things he can’t change while maintaining his authenticity as best he can.

If you have any parenting questions for our “Ask Tanis” Column, feel free to contact Tanis at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca

Don’t Forget to Visit the Forum!

Don’t forget to check-out our Better Parents Better Kids Parenting Forum at http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/forum/

We need YOU to get the Forum Rolling!

As well, don’t forget to check back for Lesson #6 of our “Understanding Your Child’s Differences” Series on Workstyles.

Until Next Time,

Melody Chase
Better Parents Better Kids Team
Website: http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com
Email: relationshipcentre@shaw.ca
(204) 475-0323

Welcome to Lesson #4 of our 7 Part Series on “Understanding Your Child's Differences.”

We have another excerpt by Tanis from our Weekly Newsletter this time describing Vision and how it ties into Understanding Your Child’s Differences.

Tanis says:

A Vision is what a person targets as a focus and future goal to move towards. It can be a way of life, a specific goal, a timeline or anything that moves a person towards something and causes a person to focus concentrated energy on.

As for their Visions, as long as a person hasn't been influenced into someone else's agenda, a person will usually already know their vision. Other times just coming into awareness that they need to focus on a vision allows their vision to reveal itself.

What often happens is that if parents are unaware of what their children's values and visions are there will be conflict and powerstruggles with them. The parents may also try to control the child to stop the conflict and try to influence the child to be like the parents or the rest of society.

In the process the child may lose themselves or be influenced to a point that they are convinced they are something they are not. This of course will be to their detriment later in life as they don't fit into the mold that others has put them into.

Children often give into the influence because they want to make their parents happy, for approval or because they have picked up on codependent behaviors already where they have been taught that you have to give others what they want, even if that may hurt you in order to get what you want.

To find out your children's Vision is you can ask them same questions that we covered in our last Monthly Newsletter on Values:

1. Ask what is important to them.
2. Ask what they would like to do in the present.
3. Ask what they would like to do in the future.
4. If they don't know say "That's ok, when the time is right you will know." I.e. Instead of giving suggestions or forcing them to come up with things.

It is important to support their beliefs as to what they want to do whether that is their Values or Vision 100%. If they change their mind 20 times or once a week support them on their new track and never say "What happened to wanting to be a fireman or just make up your mind."

If you have already read the Better Parents, Better Kids E-book and have already asked your children these questions, then just remember to continue to support their beliefs 100%

Life is a creative process as is a person's life mission and purpose so each individual needs the space, support and freedom to go with the flow as their life unfolds in perfect timing, in perfect ways and under grace.

Having an understanding of Values and Visions you can also help your children to understand that everyone’s Values and Visions are different by having your children answer the questions above with their friends or siblings present.

You then have their friends or siblings answer the questions too so everyone can see how everyone has their own Values and Visions and that is perfectly o.k. to be different and that everyone can be supported for being themselves.

If you have any questions about Visions and/or how to test for your Children’s Values you can email us at relationshipcentre@shaw.ca or for more detailed information about Visions and Vision Testing check-out our Better Parents, Better Kids Parenting Home Study Program at http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/info

What’s On Joey’s Mind?

It’s Melody again.

For this month’s “What’s On Joey’s Mind Column” I thought since we have been doing a series on parents understanding their children’s differences as well as helping parents to explain about differences to their children that we might as well carry on with the theme of understanding and see if there is anything that kids may want to understand about parents and parenting.

So here is our question for Joey:

"If there was one question he would like to ask a parent in regards to being a parent what would that be?"

Joey is busy thinking up his question, so visit us in next month’s issue to see what he says.

Ask Tanis

An Update on Cameron

Hi Melody again.

Since there are no “Ask Tanis” questions for this month, I thought I would give an update as to how Tanis’s son Cameron and his school situation is doing.

We mentioned in our 1st Monthly Newsletter in October that Cameron was having some trouble at school, in particular with his teacher. Cameron’s drive for freedom and doing what he wants to do when he wants to do it - in other words Cameron trying to be his authentic self has been causing some conflict with his teacher.

This was one of the major reasons why we began our 7 Part “Understanding Your Child’s Differences” series.

I recently emailed Tanis and Tanis was saying that Cameron who is 7 now has come down with croup. (Even though children normally outgrow this by the age of four)

Tanis says she guessed it is because Cameron is suffocating because he is having a hard time being himself at school, he has a teacher who is of the “old school” mind set and Cameron does not fit her description of the ideal child.

How Tanis figured out why Cameron came down with croup (aside from the logical scientific reasons) is based on the work of author Louise L Hay and her books “Heal Your Body” (Hay House, Published Jan 01,1984) and “Heal Your Body A to Z” (Hay House, Published Oct 01, 2001).

Louise L. Hay says any aches, pains, injuries or actions going on in our body are signs of what is going on inside us such as what we are thinking, feeling or what kind of emotions we are storing in our body. In her books she provides affirmations that help to heal whatever is going on within our body based on the ailment that that we are presented with.

Our body talks to us all the time, it is like it has its own form of sign-language and we can always truly find out what is going on within when we pay attention to what our body is trying to tell us.

So croup has a similar origin to Bronchitis which according to Louise L Hay is suffocation caused by conflict and arguing in a family setting, however the family setting can also be represented by a parental figure or institution such as in this case – Cameron’s teacher.

Dr. Robby, (who just like Tanis, has the natural ability to read what our body is trying to say) says the only major difference between someone who has bronchitis versus someone who has croup is that people with bronchitis are suffocating because they are under-attack but are not actively fighting back where as a person with croup is under-attack but is fighting their attacker back which is symbolically represented by Cameron’s loud and deep cough associated with croup. This is true to Cameron’s personality because he would fight for himself and his authenticity.

In my email that I sent in response to Tanis I was saying that I understand it's tough when you get an “old school” mindset teacher!

One of my nephews in Calgary when he was in Junior High School, was diagnosed as having a learning disability (which is silly because he was speaking 2 languages and reading symbols at 1 years old - but anyway) and diagnosed as mildly Autistic (He's actually a High H.S.P. or Highly Sensitive Person – see our article on ‘ The Importance of Alone Time For Highly Sensitive Children’ at http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/index.php/articles.html )

My Nephew was placed in a "special" education class and even then the teacher didn't have the slightest clue on how to deal with someone who is not exactly the same as the "average" kid or what was considered “average” for the class he was in.

The good news is that this year he has transferred to another school and the teacher and the program that he is in is wonderful, even the kids in his class and the kids in the rest of the school align with him and understand him. He's so happy now and much more at peace.

It sounds like we are picking on Cameron’s teacher and my Nephew’s old teacher but it is nothing personal about the teachers or our children for that matter.

As Tanis explained in our first Monthly Newsletter “Unfortunately some teachers are not aware of the different personalities or if they are they don't have the time to work with them all accordingly so even though Cameron CAN do all the work he is given the teacher thinks he either can't focus or can't do the work.”

Another issue is that some personalities and combination of personalities don’t just get along with other personalities, once again it is nothing personal – so even if one teacher understands how to teach a child in their own style of learning that still doesn’t necessarily mean they are going to get along or communicate well with each other.

So it is important then to help prepare our children for the realities of the world that they live in and here are a few preparation tips that Tanis will be sharing with Cameron as well.

1) You Always Have Choice:

You can explain to your children in your own words and ways that they will understand that all because you find yourself in one situation that doesn’t mean you have to stay in that situation forever or that this is the only way how life is always going to be.

There are highest and best people, places, things and events out there you just need to be aware and open to finding them. An example is my nephew where he was able to switch schools and is very happy now.

2) Have Patience With What You Can’t Change Right Now

At the same time, our children also have to be aware there may be situations that cannot be changed right away, for example there are rules that children have to go by in their family’s homes and at their present schools and there may be situations such as location and timing where the child cannot change schools even if they really wanted to.

So in the meantime your children must have patience and not be in resistance to what is happening to them today – remind them that something is always good that comes out of something they can’t see as good at the moment.

For example they will learn about what they really like by finding out what they don’t like or how if they learn to love whatever is going on in their life right now that when they get to the really good stuff that they really want it is like icing on the cake, they get to enjoy every minute of their day instead of worrying about how things could be better.

3) Don’t Stay Angry

Last but not least tell your children not to blame or stay angry with anyone that is not giving them what they want, even if that person is being mean to them. This is because most of the time people do not understand what they are doing, or understand how what they are doing is hurting others or how to change what they are doing if they are aware of what they are doing but they would change if they knew how.

So if your children are blaming, staying mad and fighting back against those who are not giving them what they want, your children are only going to hurt themselves more than they already are and will potentially make themselves sick such as what happened to Cameron.

It’s o.k. to be angry, but don’t stay angry, it is o.k. to be authentic but learn ways such as assertiveness versus aggression so you do not get too worked up and run-down.

In a future Newsletter I will develop some Assertiveness Techniques for kids, I’ll keep you posted and we will update you on how Cameron is doing.

Don’t Forget to Visit the Forum!

Don’t forget to check-out our Better Parents Better Kids Parenting Forum at http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com/forum/

As well, don’t forget to check back for Lesson #5 of our “Understanding Your Child’s Differences” Series on Bodytypes

Until Next Time,

Melody Chase
Better Parents Better Kids Team
Website: http://www.betterparentsbetterkids.com
Email: relationshipcentre@shaw.ca